#Poetry – DICK FOR A DAY

This post could also be called “That Time I Won Bowery Poetry’s Open Mic Night” because that’s exactly what happened Monday night when I met my girlfriend Corey, and her wife, Brady, for drinks and some words at the East Village poetry club.

It was fun and the crowd was supportive and maybe I’m being annoying by talking about winning, but honestly – it feels pretty fucking awesome. As a friend texted me to say, winning is damn sexy. And fun. And exciting. And makes me feel like here and there, I do a stellar job of putting words together in ways that move folks.

At the end of the night, I received several questions about my poem DICK FOR A DAY and whether it was published anywhere and that’s when I realized it wasn’t because unlike a lot of my poetry, I never posted it on my blog – I’ve only read it live, first at The Boudica Series, and since then at a couple of open mics.

I’m going to share it here, but first, a little of it’s backstory: DICK FOR A DAY is a writing prompt from my girlfriend, Alessandra, after a bunch of us drank a lot a alcohol one night at her place and got going about 24-hour penises and what we could do with them. She messaged me a few days later and told me to write it, and I did, so really, I owe my first open mic win to her – love you, cunt face.


let me start by declaring
for all to hear
I love being a woman
just so we’re clear

my tits and thighs
my hips and smile
magic in my fingertips
making folks crazy
as I lick my lips

power in my mischievous eyes
love in my arms
my wit full of surprise

can pay my own rent

but here and there
i must admit
there’s an idea
a wish
i simply cannot quit

it’s nonsensical
i know it cannot happen
doesn’t mean i haven’t considered it
from time to time
in some way
in some fashion

it’s straight to the point
a rather simple desire
it won’t hurt anybody
or set the world afire

stated bluntly
so my wishes are heard
and nothing is confused
not one idea
not one word:

I would like a DICK FOR A DAY

oh my!
what the fuck
did she just say?
I must have heard her wrong
i am certain
my ears betray

you heard me loud and clear
i want a thick long penis
and I want it right HERE

only for 24 hours
like i said
just a day
then I’ll happily resume life with my vagina
she’s fucking gorgeous
i love her
and would never trade her away

but a dick
are you sure
can you be certain?
how about a car
a massage
maybe some new curtains?

no way
that’s all so goddamned lame
I want my 24-hour penis
stop being so shocked about it
sit back and enjoy my game

morning would find me groggy
kind of hazy
needing coffee

I’d stretch
roll over to discover
something long and thick and veined
quite gorgeous
rather like my lover’s

a penis! i would whisper
as i looked down
at my slightly flaccid display
the gods must have heard my request
I’ve got a dick for the day!

once the shock wore off
and my hands stopped all their shaking
i would smile wide and say “oh yes”
this is better than a lifetime
of guilt-free bacon

i’d stroke myself to climax
ejaculate everywhere like a teenage boy
i’d revel in the mess
and squeal with unbridled joy

then i’d do it all again
because I’m a dirty girl at heart
and sure
me and this dick have some fucking to do
but self-love is the best place to start

the mirror would be my next stop
to stand in and admire
my new appendage
god he’s huge
and holy shit, he’s full of desire

Peeing! a wondrous experience
i get to stand
shoot and fire
no more dreaded disgusting toilet seats
bloody tampons
and other grotesqueries
of the women’s bathroom quagmire

getting dressed in jeans
would take on a whole new meaning
when one must decide
which way the balls and dick are leaning

Man i look good
that slight bulge is so hot
i’ve just gotta control this thing in my pants
keep it limp
don’t wanna get shot

I’d walk down the street
with authority and swagger
knowing I have this gorgeous thing between my legs
a modern day Mick Jagger

Sitting on the train
I’d be that asshole
knees spread wide
taking up two seats
for the duration of the rush-hour ride

In the office
I’d lead my meetings
with bluster and bravado
I’d be aggressive
I’d be obnoxious
a total asshole
utterly macho

Amazingly no one would ever complain
or say “wow, what a bitch”
instead they’d think
my behavior was normal
and the work day would go by
without a hitch

I’d think to myself
on the subway home that night
men in the workplace have it so easy
as a woman
using the same tactics with my team
I’d have suffered
a wholly different plight

I’d be whiny and insufferable
all would complain
I’d be too moody
they’d all hate me
and say working for me was a pain

but alas
I digress
my female status is hardly the reason
for this poem
this verse
come on folks
it’s dick season!

time to rejoice and celebrate
all things thick throbbing and phallic
i want to fuck
i want to suck
i’m not trying to be enigmatic

because for real
what’s the point
the purpose
the reason
for being gifted a dick for a day
besides reveling in my personal fucking season

i would check my watch for the time
as the clock
it was a ticking
eight hours left
on my countdown
plenty of time
for loads of dick sticking

I’d shower
and hit those streets
determined to knock some boots
determined to hit those sheets

the sex party in Williamsburg
would be a whole new experience
my dick would be in demand
the uproar around me serious

men and women everywhere
falling at my feet
begging for just a taste
goddamn, this dick is sweet

but alas
my hour would draw near
as you’ll remember
my dick was a loaner
so I’d say my goodbyes
and head home all alone
to admire my very last boner

now looking back on those 24 hours
when I was treated like a fucking messiah
I have to say thanks for the dick
it was fun
it was great
but god, how I love my vagina

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