#WednesdayFreeWrite – IMPERFECTION



“You should take your big lips and nose
and go back to the jungle
with the other monkeys”
said my fifth grade classmate
during lunch that day
in front of all the other white kids

I don’t remember if anyone laughed
or got quiet
or shifted uncomfortably
I just remember thinking
how much I hated my nose

By that young age
I was already kind of falling for my lips
full and dark and just kind of nice
when I smiled
but me and my nose
we weren’t on such friendly terms

My classmate wasn’t the only one
to take notice
My brother
loved to bring up my nose
his favorite weapon of choice
whenever we got to brawling
and a war of words broke out

[Lovable asshole that he is
has the same damn nose]

He never invoked my lips
because like I said
they’re kind of nice
and my smile is killer
but that fucking nose…

Years passed
of longing for a different nose
a more perfect specimen
something cute
like my sister’s
something thinner
like Lisa Bonet’s
something pretty
like the white girls

It got so bad
and I was so down about it
that my parents finally relented
and agreed
that if it was so important to me
and I really needed it
to feel good about myself
and see myself as pretty
then upon graduation
from high school
I could do it

I could get a nose job

my little ninth grade self
breathed in relief
Redemption at last
in the form of a scalpel
some scraping
and a whole lot of pain
but fuck it
because after all of that
I would have
what I always wanted

A perfect nose

Then a funny thing happened
life became a series
of voice lessons
horseback riding
learning to drive
sneaking out
smoking weed
applying to college
kissing boys

And suddenly my nose
stopped being my cross to bear
and evolved into
what it was always meant to be
just my nose

And yeah, it’s big
and has a funky bump
that an ex-boyfriend
who was a painter
used to love
mostly because he was an artist
and they love funky shit

And when I smile
it gets even bigger
which kind of drives me nuts
but so what?
I have a fucking killer smile
forget the damn nose

And it’s nothing
anyone would ever call pretty
but it’s got character
and soul
and hella crazy spunk

And after all these years
and all those moments
of kinda hating it
and all of its bigosity
[not a word, I know]
I have to say
these days I look at it
and think to myself

Big Nose
you’re kind of perfect
in all your imperfections

My #WednesdayFreeWrite series is based on what I write during the 10 minutes allotted my writing group’s Wednesday Prompt. As always, these pieces are works of fiction, erupting from my incredibly over-active imagination. They are unedited and unscripted, super loose and probably my favorite ten minutes of the week. They are perfect in their imperfections and I hope you enjoy.

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