It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted new installments of Getting Proustian With…, my interview series where I ask random folks to submit to the beauty that is the Proust Questionnaire, that brilliant little character study that I’ve been using for years when creating the characters for my books. This state of affairs is almost 100% because I’ve been living way down deep in the rabbit hole that is Dutch and Juma, but I’m popping my head out from all of their dark sexy and getting back at it with my fellow Write Bitch, LJK Oliva.
Or Laura, as I know and love her.
A while back I was up late a night, working on book II from The Sanctum Trilogy, and Laura hit me up on Twitter, making some hilarious and snarky comment about steak and alcohol as only she can do and honestly, I knew right then and there, we were going to get along fabulously. We stayed up, going back and forth as only procrastinating writers can do, amusing one another with random observations and outright bullshit and I have to say, I kinda fell in love with her that night.
Also, it doesn’t hurt that she’s fabulously filthy and we share a love of all things down and dirty, especially if it’s found on Tumblr. Those of you who share a similar raunchy streak know just what I’m talking about. Don’t even try and pretend otherwise. #wickedsmirk
Fast forward and we’re doing Write Bitches and hosting interview series and laughing about horrible book covers and ogling hot boys. And reveling in all the filthy shit that erupts from our very cluttered and deviant, sexy and fabulous imaginations.
She probably wants to wring my brown neck since I’ve been sitting on this interview FOREVER but has never once given me a “what the fuck is up with you and your stupid interview series?” because she’s awesome like that. Anyway, if you don’t know her, I’m sad for you – she’s fierce and funny and the perfect girl to stay up with late at night, laughing and talking all kinds of smack – but now you have a chance to get a little taste, a hint of her special brand of wicked perfection.
Finally, I’m getting off my fat ass and giving you Laura – or LJK Oliva – getting a little Proustian with it.
Getting Proustian With…
1 What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A house in the mountains where I can write, cook, garden, hang out with my friends, and enjoy my family.
2 What is your greatest fear?
It’s a tie between bugs and heights. Blood? Whatever. Change? Bring it. But dangle a spider in front of my face and I will scream like a bitch.
3 What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I’m prone to impatience and flashes of temper. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but it’s something I constantly struggle with.
4 What is the trait you most deplore in others?
5 What is your greatest extravagance?
I’m the mother of a toddler, so I would have to say time to myself.
6 What is your current state of mind?
7 What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
8 On what occasion do you lie?
When it would be crueler to tell the truth.
9 What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I have total caveman arms. Useful if I ever need to hurl a spear or wrestle a sabre-tooth tiger, but they suck the chic right out of just about every cocktail dress I try to wear.
10 What is the quality you most like in a man?
Intelligence, but tempered with kindness (we’ve all met THOSE people. You know the ones I mean).
11 What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Genuine good humor. I’ve met way too many women who take everything WAY too seriously.
12 Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Don’t take off your diaper. Put that back in your diaper. Only wear the clean underpants on your head. (Did I mention I’m the mother of a toddler?)
13 What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My husband. Hands down. He’s seen me at both my best and my absolute worst, and married me anyway.
14 When and where were you happiest?
The fact that this is such a hard question to answer either means I have too many happy moments to choose from, or that I am incapable of feeling true joy. That said, I think the closest thing I’ve felt to perfect happiness was when I published my first book.
15 Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to write faster.
16 If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A writer. What can I say? I’m addicted to the struggle.
17 Where would you most like to live?
San Francisco, obviously, but only if I was, like, rich.
18 What is your most treasured possession?
My iPhone. Addiction is a thing.
19 What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Having something to say, but being unable to find the words to say it.
20 What is your most marked characteristic?
21 What do you most value in your friends?
22 Who are your favorite writers?
Brian Jacques (Redwall series), Karen Marie Moning (Fever series), Stacia Kane (The Downside Ghosts series) Jim Butcher (The Dresden Files), J.R.R. Tolkien (do I really need to tell you?).
23 Who is your hero of fiction?
Martin the Warrior.
24 Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Laura Ingalls Wilder. And not just because we have the same first name… Okay, mostly because we share the same first name. Also, the whole writer thing.
25 What are your favorite names?
For girls, I like any name that has presence (Cassandra, Abernathy, Petra). For boys, I’m a big fan of Biblical-sounding names (Absolom, Simon, Benjamin). I also like a lot of Hispanic names (Mateo, Thiago, Elena, Yocelyn).
26 What is it that you most dislike?
See Question #4.
27 How would you like to die?
Quickly and epically.
28 What is your motto?
“See, what happened was…”
L.J.K. Oliva is the devil-may-care alter-ego of noir romance novelist Laura Oliva. She likes her whiskey strong, her chocolate dark, and her steak bloody. L.J.K. likes monsters… and knows the darkest ones don’t live in closets.