THE LIE I BELIEVED
The lie I believed was fed to me by my mother and her sisters and their mother and my alma mater – all of these fierce, brilliant women who claimed I could have it all. As a child I distinctly remember my mother telling me not to listen to those fools who said I must get married, to ignore the idiots who claimed the only way to be a real woman was to have a child, and that it was okay if I wanted a kid without a man, I didn’t have to be married to have the kid. Because you know what – I could do anything, could have it all, could be whatever I wanted to be – nothing mattered. I took that shield of mighty female empowerment and my little Southern ass and stomped up to Barnard, ready to light the world on fire, rage with my woman power, be the mighty girl I was meant to be. And holy shit, Barnard fueled that fire. Don’t call yourself a girl, you’re a woman. And you can do anything. Look at all those women around you, these basasses with tits and pussies, you all fucking rock. You are wondrous and mighty and men will tremble when your name is called. You are stellar examples of womanhood and all it can be. You are Barnard women – now go forth and do you. Ha! Fucking liars. Here’s what I know – yes, I am a badass bitch, do not fuck with me, I will cut you and it will bleed. I am also soft and cuddly and I like to laugh, I love my man, and yes, I even have a kid. I have a job that pays the bills and another that fuels my passion and makes me feel whole, but couldn’t cover any of my bills…yet. And sadly, I cannot have it all. At least not at the same time. It comes in stages, spurts, fits and starts and I just need to be aware and alive and on my shit to catch it and enjoy it because once it’s passed, that chance to do that one aspect of the many that make up “having it all”, it might take a really, really long ass time to come back around.
My #WednesdayFreeWrite series is based on what I write during the 10 minutes allotted for my writing group’s Wednesday Prompt. So for this prompt, I didn’t have time to explain that my mom and aunts and grandmother are total badasses or that I love my college and the woman it helped create or that in the long run, although it’s hard as hell, I’m happy I believed the lie because that belief fuels the woman I am today. So now you know. Cheers motherfuckers.