Special

JumaSpecial

Would he draw a line in the sand between us
because I already knew I would allow no such thing
no barrier
no partition
no nothing.

He could easily get around my denial of our predicament
my refusal
my rejection
by simply never contacting me again and even though I hated admitting it
the possibility of him following such a course loomed large.
I pushed him in ways he hated being pushed
I demanded things of him he despised
I brought to the surface aspects of himself he long ago buried
and intended never to revisit or remember or recall.

I was everything he didn’t want.

And I had no idea where to find him were he to suddenly vanish
I simply assumed I would never need to
that he would always come back to me
that I was
just.
that.
special.

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